Thursday, February 09, 2006

Lois Lane: Vag with a Badge

I have been put on review and I am stuck on a fucking desk job. Now the union psychologist wants me to keep a journal. So here I am thinking about where I might have gone wrong in my efforts to fight crime.

I guess I should explain why I got busted in the first place.

A couple of days ago, I saw this Porsche zooming down the freeway. I hit the lights and sirens. That fucker had to be going 100 miles per hour. I pulled up behind his car. Typical loser trying to compensate for all he was lacking.

"License and registration," I shouted with my sidearm drawn. I noticed he had a passenger. She was blonde, 21 maybe. A tall glass of water. I asked her to step out of the vehicle. She was trembling. I walked her over to my squad and told her to take a
seat. It was for her own protection.

I walked back over to the car and asked the guy what the fuck was wrong with him. He claimed to just be showing off his new wheels to his girlfriend.

"You think speeding is cool? You think your actions are going to make her think you are the man? You think this is what's going to get you laid, you dumb mother fucker?"

I'll admit, I did go a little rough on him but he was breaking the law. The same law that I vowed to uphold.

I cuffed the prick and dragged him back to my squad. I put him in the front seat to sweat it out a while.

I told the little hottie to get out. I handed her his keys and told her to keep the car. And of course, I gave her my number. "You ever get sick of losers like this guy and want to go have a little dinner at the Y, you give me a call, babe."

That sweet piece of meat waved until she drove out of sight. I bet she calls me tonight.

Dickhead sat in my squad crying. I couldn't help but laugh. This bitch really needed to learn about ladies. Yeah, I might have gone off the deep end a little by putting him in that dress of mine that was in the trunk. But if you could have seen his face as I drove away with him standing there on the side of the road in a formal, you'd have thought I made the right decision too. What better way can a guy like him learn a lesson?

Apparently Mr. I'm So Cool With My Speeding Self In My Fancy Sports Car got to the station before me and filed a report with my lieutenant. What a loser!

Anyhow, I tried to deny everything but I was busted. I wore that dress to the office Christmas party and it still smelled like the lieutenant's wife. And I'd bet my badge. Hell, I'd bet my vag that is the real reason I'm stuck in this desk job.

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